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A day before the enjoyably chaotic event that was @ariabrisard’s Saturday night costume party, there was a different, perhaps more troubling disturbance in the Force…
Anakin Skywalker, aka @Every1HatesAni, wears a public face of cool competence and unshakable confidence, a man of deep talents and even deeper thoughts. A complex, complicated soul who relishes pondering the more profound mysteries of the universe, as demonstrated by this excerpt from his secret diary:
” today I was awesome & my girlfriend was hot. Then Dooku was mean to me. I hate everyone!!!!!!!”
But despite his aura of intellectual prowess and iron-firm will, it appears that our Jedi Knight hero has a chink in his armor…
While on a brief sabbatical on Future Tatooine, the stalwart Jedi Master @MaceWindu_ made a startling discovery: @Every1HatesAni has a fetish for Hello Kitty. First-hand accounts vary, but one common, pastel-colored thread runs through all of their stories. All witness describe a sense of soul-crushing anguish and horror at viewing the evidence.
Exhibit 1- A custom lightsaber hilt, complete with Hello Kitty stickers.
“It was like some awful collision of worlds,” one witness claimed. “Like a peanut butter and sardine sandwich.. Hello Kitty and Star wars DO NOT KARKING MIX!”
Often depicted on the holonet as a courageous and rugged fighter for truth and justice, young Skywalker is viewed by most as the epitome of manliness. This image is at risk of being shattered, however, by the discovery of his secret stash of Hello Kitty man-panties.
When reached for comment, @Every1HatesAni responded with his trademark cool, collected professionalism- “WTF?!?! THOSE AREN’T MINE!!! It must be that kids….yeah…@Jysella_Horn or something…..”
In reply, @Crazyben_kenobi, custodian of this horrible secret, was heard to say ” be careful anakin, hate leads to the dark side. The dark side leads to hello kitty.”
While shocking to most, this discovery came as no surprise to one of the twittervers’ more observant residents. When reached for comment, the vivacious and lovely @Biddygirl, was heard to say “…now that you mention it…I’m not really surprised.”
But even for her, acceptance dosen’t come easily.
“Why would someone make those underwear? Now I know how @obiwankenobi feels when he bleaches his brain.”
Indeed, biddygirl. The whole situation really is hard to swallow.
That’s what she said.
