Star Wars Twitterverse

30th September 2009

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Handmaidens: Preview of Heaven or Tools of Lucifer

Hello my lovely and adoring masses! It’s been so long since I’ve written to you. However, recently while burning all of @Every1HatesAni’s clothes I accidentally burned my diary a well. Whoopsie! I figured I could treat this as my diary and we could become BOSOM BUDDIES. It will be delightful, I promise!

As you last heard, Bosom Buddy, I was a bit off and not myself. However, after some very intense yoga sessions and lots of pampering by the handmaidens I was able to center my focus and be at peace. Have you met my handmaidens yet? They’re so beautiful (they look just like me!), thoughtful, and kind.

First, there’s @Handmaiden_Sabe who is quite the confidant. She’s willing to sacrifice so much for her Queen as well. Of Course, she also thinks that @Every1HatesAni should sleep with @Kitiyari_Dreams just once, so @Kitiyari_Dreams muscles may “de-tackle” him. That Sabe such a card!!

Then there’s @HandmaidnEirtae. She is the masterful ARTISTE who manages my luscious locks. Yesterday, I requested to have song birds hold up my curls rearranging my hairstyle every 30 minutes. Not only did she manage them but she dressed them in bowties and gross grain ribbon diapers that complimented my dress. She is truly a genius. @Every1HatesAni is still upset with her because of her comment of, “Nice love handles… Or should I say unloved handles…”

@Handmaiden_Yane is the highly observant one. She even noticed @Every1HatesAni putting on some extra weight and commented that he now looks, “like a marshmellow swelling up in a microwave!” She’s always very informative!

There’s the devoted darling @Handmaiden_Dorme and the sassy @HandmaidenSache. So, yes! The handmaidens brushed my hair, did my nails, and told me that I just wasn’t being treated like the Queen I am. [Note, bosom buddy, this is so much better then when the situation is reversed. Have you ever told someone they’re not being treated like the Handmaiden that they are? It gets awkward.]

So, armed with some self-help books and lots of sagacious handmaiden advice I forged ahead into fixing my relationship! Only, it back fired. Oh, Bosom Buddy! I try so hard!!! I made @Every1HatesAni light saber cozies! I re-crafted all of my immodest dresses so that they would leave more to his imagination & our romance might be rekindled. I make Thinspiration posters for my Handmaidens quarters to remind them to make the right choices and stay fit! (I’m not really thin obsessed but it’s difficult to look like me with that wagon some of those handmaidens have been draggin’. It’s not my fault I have a high metabolism!) Tell me if this wouldn’t inspire you?

But it’s to no avail. *sniffles* That is right @Every1HatesAni has run away from home. Of course, that now means I can now stop paying for all of his custom made robes and gloves. And his ship, and the fuel for his ship, and all of his food, and all of the presents he bought all his lady friends, and… Well, now that I think on it with all the extra cash I’ll have I can renovate and take a mini-vacay with the handmaidens!! Yay!

But I’m still sad, Bosom Buddy! I didn’t believe it at first but the
Handmaidens have already defaced the Chore Wheel which they’d never do if @Every1HatesAni were around (since he would TOTALLY move it with the force so he’d be the one doing the dishes Padmé.

Mournfully yours,
Padmé (Queen Amidala if you’re nasty!)